I'm Sticking to My Guns On This One
Eyeball's shot as mother gets pegged by Nerf gun-wielding 5-year-old.
I was standing at the kitchen sink doing the morning routine. Still in my robe, making a ham sandwich and cutting off the crusts.
The kids were coming and going. I’m shouting orders, “Brush your teeth, brush your hair, the bus is coming!” Half of me was moving mechanically. Half was listening as this one or that one got my attention to sign a permission slip or find the $2.50 for hot lunch.
My morning coffee hadn’t kicked in yet. I was snapping the lid on the sandwich container when, BAM! Searing pain pulses through my eye socket. My hand goes to my right eye as I turn around to see my 5-year old wielding the Nerf gun at the top of the basement stairs. The bleepin’ dart hit me square in the cornea! It really hurt! My ears were ringing, my eye was watering and rage was building.
“Put that #*% thing down!” I roar! Literally my eyeball was throbbing and I was really crying! It hurt; I thought I was emergency-room bound.
Like a lunatic, I started waving my arms around and grabbed the first thing that hit my arm. It must have been my “fight or flight” reflex as I lunged toward whatever was in front of me and grabbed the Nerf gun. Fuming, I opened the cabinet door and threw it right in the trash. Ranting through tears, “your worst nightmare has happened! You shot someone in the eye and those stupid guns are all getting thrown out! Round ‘em up!” One by one, all the ammo in the house was forlornly chucked into our trash barrel.
As I slammed the cabinet door shut, I flashed back about five years. I never wanted these things around in the first place! That's right. I was one of those moms who was going to say no to all guns for my boys. Toy guns, water guns, big, little, whatever. What was the point in playing with them, really? I was against it. I remember saying so. I'm sure I did. I’m sure I even bragged about not having toy guns in the house. I’m so civilized and my boys will be too!
So what the heck happened?
I got suckered in, that’s what happened. They just sort of showed up from birthday parties, gifts from “fun” uncles and being left around from the kids that trolloped through the house on any given summer day. I had a few more babies and just let things slide a bit. They popped up here and there and it wasn't long before I even bought a few serious water shooters I just couldn't pass up on an early summer day.
Like so many instances with our kids, we just sort of get soft. They're having fun, what's the harm? We don’t slip on purpose. We just do. It usually happens slowly over time and in most instances it’s harmless. But as moms we need to remember our first instinct is always right.
I had a friend who realized she had been defeated on her anti-gun household stance and surrendered. But she didn’t surrender without a fight. She spent the next few months teaching “gun safety.” I thought that was brilliant. No shooting at a person, only targets, always hold your firearm down, never load it when people are around, etc. I tried that for a while. It was exhausting. And then I just caved too.
Now here I was paying the price. Hand over my eye, crying on the couch. I was pathetic. I even asked for the Bob the Builder boo boo ice pack from the freezer. My kids just stared at me. Scared to say anything except to give a gentle pat on my back.
It was one of those times when I thought to myself, I should not be carrying on like this in front of my children, they will have scars. But it honestly did hurt.
So I just sat there, tending to my wounds and calming myself down. Just like I ask them to do when they’re upset.
Finally, my little guy, the “perpetrator,” approached timidly, climbed up onto my lap and, holding my face in his two little chubby hands said, “I’m sowwy mommy,” little crocodile tears in his eyes. And I was given the opportunity to teach him one of life’s most valuable lessons about love and relationships. I accepted his apology. Still crying, still hurting, still needing that ice pack, I ditched my self- indulgence, my victimhood and I hugged him, and forgave him.
After they went to school, I sported the pirate patch from the costume bin as I cleaned up the breakfast dishes and threw the napkins in the trash. There were the guns, all six of them. I do wish I never started allowing toy guns. I’ll admit I don't want them around now simply because they are annoying. But today it is much less based on principle like it was five years ago.
So tempted to pull the guns out, I left them there. I took them out with the trash. I wasn’t caving this time. My instincts were right. I am sticking to my guns on this one.
Have you caved to your children's every desire? Or are you able to stick to your guns?
Tell us in the comments.
Sue
3:26 pm on Saturday, March 5, 2011
I had a no guns policy for awhile too, but by age 18 mos, the baby was already turning bananas, bent over barbie dolls, and empty toilet paper rolls (ooh, was he digging in the trash, too?) into mock guns. And those pesky uncles and grandpas and boy cousins barraged our house with gun-gifts like the ones you threw out. Last sum er it took a serious turn, when I came back from a girls' weekend away to find son and father in the back yard, SHOOTING A NEW DAISY BB GUN in the backyard. My weeks long outrage was replaced by practicality, however, when I discovered that I too, could use that gun for a reasonably safe and practical purpose: shooting at the squirrels that live in the giant elm over our back porch. The ones that taunt my dog from the lowest branch, causing him to bark incessantly for hours on end. I'm not callous - I have never killed a squirrel. But it has scared them away, at least it did for awhile. And the neighbors, and my awestruck son, would happily watch as I ran in the house to get my gun whenever the squirrels ventured near. What's the moral of this story? There is no moral and I guess, perhaps, I have loose morals when it comes to guns. But I sympathize, hear you, and admire you, Amy.
Your fan in Chicago - sd
Pamela
8:06 am on Sunday, March 6, 2011
I had the same initial thought when my boys were young. Then one day I saw one of them running around the yard with a bunch of kids with guns; my little boy was walking around with a 2" gun that went with an action figure. He was strutting with this tiny plastic gun tucked in his pocket like holster. That is when I broke down and realized boys will be boys. We survived. It's a very It's a hard decision.
catherine winchild
9:29 am on Sunday, March 6, 2011
excellent !!
Voyager
9:10 am on Tuesday, March 8, 2011
So, by your own admission, teaching your kids gun safety was too exhausting so you gave up. Then you punish them for your failure as a parent. Great lesson taught there!
Children need to be taught that actions have consequences, but your description of events sounds more like an anger fueled display that served no purpose but to provide a release for your pain, probably scared the heck out of your child and teach your kids that accidents resulting from a lapse in judgement (even that of a 5 year old) will have consequences completely out of proportion to the action.
Keep this incident in mind the day you get a call from school because one of your kids has been accidently hurt by a schoolmate and reacts in a manner that is completely over the top.
catherine winchild
9:29 am on Tuesday, March 8, 2011
dear voyager, i think amy's reaction was less "out of proportion" and more HUMAN.
Voyager
9:45 am on Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I completely agree that her initial reaction (the yelling and cursing) was a typical human reaction that most of us have had at one time in our lives.
My point was more about the stated abandonment of gun safety guidance because it was too exhausting, the lunging for the first thing to hit her arm (It must have been my “fight or flight” reflex as I lunged toward whatever was in front of me and grabbed the Nerf gun.) and the subsequent tirade and roundup of toys that punishes all of the kids for the actions of a 5 year old.
Where exactly was the nerf gun that she lunged for and grabbed? Was it still in the hands of a shocked 5 year old? Had he dropped it and run after hearing the expletive laced command to do so?
Just because a reaction is human, it doesn't mean it's right.
catherine winchild
12:48 pm on Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Just b/c something is human, doesn't mean it's right <--- i agree.
you also wrote: "Keep this incident in mind the day you get a call from school because one of your kids has been accidently hurt by a schoolmate and reacts in a manner that is completely over the top." This seems a bit "out of proportion" in terms of forecasting the (potential) future for amy's child.
if you have a 'no weapons rule' for the children in your home that you've enforced consistently over time and have only yelled and cursed in front of your kids rarely or "one time" in your life, power to you! in the meantime, the article (for me ) was a wake up call about letting a priority slide (something i've done more than once with my children) and a beautifully honest and human description of how an old priority waas made new again.
Amy Ames
7:05 pm on Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The natural consequence of giving up gun safety teaching is getting shot in the eye. OUCH!
The natural consequence of shooting someone in the eye is a lot of ranting ('cause it really does hurt) and the immediate confiscation of said weapon. Who needs the guns anyway? Trust me, my kids have moved on...
Thank you for the comments, both of you! It adds spice to my life and allows me to know someone's out there reading!!
xo,
Amy
Trish Conrad
2:58 pm on Wednesday, March 9, 2011
My 19 year old son played with toy guns, advanced to killing pretend video solders and zombies with guns (lots of blood included) and thinks nothing of watching extremely violent images on TV. I hate that he thinks its entertaining to shoot people and watch them splinter in hundreds of bloody pieces- even if it IS just in a video game.
Good for you, Amy - keep them young and innocent as long as you can.
P.S. I love the way you write!